I’ve got my first final tomorrow of the exam period. Surprisingly, I’ve kept up with my study schedule (aka learn half of the term’s new materials in a couple of days in December) so far, so I should be okay.
Okay, considering that I’ve pulled all-nighters two out of the past three nights. Before I pulled my first all-nighter out of my arse last spring, I would never have thought that I would be the type to pull those off. Never. I’m way to “A” type for that stuff, I thought.
But – hah! – I was so wrong (or perhaps so right), because it was preciously my strung-out, high-wired personality that enabled me to power my way through the night – bathed only in a soft glow of my desk light – and, eventually, through the rest of the second day. Oh yes, the first time I pulled an “all-nighter” was brutal; it was all I could do to make my way to my class to hand in a paper, before collapsing on the ride home. At maybe 10 in the morning.
Of course, I got better at it. Hell, I don’t even need to nap (sometimes). (I admit, I dozed off face first on top of my covers for an hour in the morning today.)
I’m going to hit the sheets early tonight. Gotta final to write tomorrow after all! (But not too stressed about this one; it’ll be all multiple-choice, which wins in my book because the possibility of having a minor case of writer’s block/anxiety is eliminated!) Still have a 5:00pm hockey game to watch though.
I was finally proactive in making positive choices today. I finally kicked myself out of the house and went for a walk. Phew – I think I feel better already? I would like to see myself taking all the little steps to get out of this ugly ugly fog I’ve been wandering in. Not sure if I’d ever really “got out”, but I think I’ve been in the less densely foggy areas at moments throughout the recent years (hell, probably just earlier this year! Before damn school term started of course), and I’d bet a hundred bucks that those where the times when I felt less shitty. Little steps, baby. Little steps.
(Also, I am going to work towards not cancelling out a positive choice I made today by telling myself that I had also made a negative choice. That’s not fair to all the good work I’m putting towards pulling my shit together. Guess I have to recognize that. Every choice is a new one! I’m starting fresh with every decision I make.)